Inner Beauty
I only feel worthwhile when I'm broken into pieces. The inner beauty must show on the outside. I miss the marks when they are absent. I must make more, I think. Swirls of colors and abstract shapes. I'm only pretty when I'm black and blue. The above passage is an excerpt from a poem titled "Inner Beauty." I wrote it in 2013, but I can still picture exactly what I felt as I wrote it. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was trapped in my own skin. I felt like I was stuck inside a person I loathed. I wanted to break free from my body. I wanted to run away from my past and what I envisioned as my future. I couldn't escape, though. I couldn't calm down using any of the regular methods. I felt an intense pain I couldn't stop. Unless...I gave it a source. I could beat the psychological pain with physical pain. If I hurt myself, I could shock my system and thwart the panic attack. Then I could begin the process of recovery. Som