Running Away
Recently I wrote about the feelings that would lead me to consider suicide. I explained, however, that suicide isn't really my first choice for getting away from the pain I experience. Truthfully, I wish I could run away from everything and live in a place where no one knew me or had any expectations for me. Based on a journal entry from October of 2004, it seems I've had similar feelings for a long time: I feel so much pain right now, even though I shouldn’t. I can’t do it. I wish I wasn’t this way, but it’s horrible being reminded every day how everyone is better than I am. It just all seems so pointless. I obviously don’t matter to anyone. I’m not good at anything, so what can I contribute to the world? I don’t know what to do. I can’t run, because I’ve been doing that too long. But it’s what I really want to do. I want to be away from all the people I know: the ones who scare me, the ones who ignore me, the ones who hurt me, even the ones who love me, if tha