Masculine and Feminine
Recently there was some controversy concerning an ad released by a certain shaving company. The commercial showed various offensive behaviors while asking men to act better.
Predictably, the Internet was divided over whether the ad was a positive message for humanity or a vicious attack on men. While the commercial claimed to focus on "toxic masculinity," some saw it as demeaning toward all males and lamented the classification of masculinity as a negative thing. Some commentators asked, "why can't boys be boys?"
I had many thoughts during and after watching the ad, but one question in particular lingers. It is a question I have actually wrestled with before.
When people say that men should be masculine and women should be feminine, what exactly do they mean?
Growing up, I never felt especially girly. In fact, for a brief period of time, I purchased and wore boys' clothing. I wasn't trying to reject my biological makeup; I just found boys' clothing more comfortable and more in line with my style at the time.
Now that I have children of my own, I feel even more acutely the limits of societal expectations on behavior. My daughter frequently says that she doesn't fit in with other girls. She doesn't want to play with dolls. She doesn't like to wear dresses. She reads superhero books, builds LEGO sets, and enjoys science and math. She believes those are "boy" activities. My heart breaks a little to know she feels that way. She got the idea from somewhere, though, which means other people believe those things, too.
Am I supposed to force my daughter to wear pink skirts? Should I take away all of her Batman toys? Should I tell her girls can't be scientists and mathematicians?
Somewhere in the world, there are individuals who would answer "yes" to those questions. I believe the majority of people, however, would conclude such sentiments are rather extreme. For most, the definitions of "masculine" and "feminine" are a bit more nuanced; the differences between the two are more subtle.
Yet individuals continue to insist that men should be men and women should be women without completely defining just what that entails. In all sincerity, I don't know what they mean. I don't know what they believe my behavior should be as a proper wife, mother, and woman in modern society. I do know, however, that their opinions shape communities in ways that may stifle and harm children. I can't support that trend.
In the end, I don't care if you are trying to be manly or if you enjoy being girly. Just be you. In fact, be the best version of you. Be kind. Be smart. Be creative.
The world can use a lot less toxicity of any variety, but it sure needs a lot more goodness of all kinds.
Predictably, the Internet was divided over whether the ad was a positive message for humanity or a vicious attack on men. While the commercial claimed to focus on "toxic masculinity," some saw it as demeaning toward all males and lamented the classification of masculinity as a negative thing. Some commentators asked, "why can't boys be boys?"
I had many thoughts during and after watching the ad, but one question in particular lingers. It is a question I have actually wrestled with before.
When people say that men should be masculine and women should be feminine, what exactly do they mean?
Growing up, I never felt especially girly. In fact, for a brief period of time, I purchased and wore boys' clothing. I wasn't trying to reject my biological makeup; I just found boys' clothing more comfortable and more in line with my style at the time.
Now that I have children of my own, I feel even more acutely the limits of societal expectations on behavior. My daughter frequently says that she doesn't fit in with other girls. She doesn't want to play with dolls. She doesn't like to wear dresses. She reads superhero books, builds LEGO sets, and enjoys science and math. She believes those are "boy" activities. My heart breaks a little to know she feels that way. She got the idea from somewhere, though, which means other people believe those things, too.
Am I supposed to force my daughter to wear pink skirts? Should I take away all of her Batman toys? Should I tell her girls can't be scientists and mathematicians?
Somewhere in the world, there are individuals who would answer "yes" to those questions. I believe the majority of people, however, would conclude such sentiments are rather extreme. For most, the definitions of "masculine" and "feminine" are a bit more nuanced; the differences between the two are more subtle.
Yet individuals continue to insist that men should be men and women should be women without completely defining just what that entails. In all sincerity, I don't know what they mean. I don't know what they believe my behavior should be as a proper wife, mother, and woman in modern society. I do know, however, that their opinions shape communities in ways that may stifle and harm children. I can't support that trend.
In the end, I don't care if you are trying to be manly or if you enjoy being girly. Just be you. In fact, be the best version of you. Be kind. Be smart. Be creative.
The world can use a lot less toxicity of any variety, but it sure needs a lot more goodness of all kinds.
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