Packet of Wildflower Seeds

  We have big news They announced out of the blue And I joked that they were going to tell use you were dead But while I said it in jest, They did, in fact, tell us you were gone And just like that, I had to process the loss - All the things we had accomplished, all the memories and plans for the future Gone I was heartbroken And angry But no one asked how I felt And no one else seemed to feel the same pain I was told to smile and move on As if your demise was no more noteworthy than a change in the weather As if people weren't spewing venom in your absence Saying you deserved to die And maybe you should've been gone a long time ago But I did as I was told As I always do While trying to honor your legacy I pondered how to move on without you And eventually the pain dulled And the bleeding stopped But sometimes I remember Everything that was lost And how I was denied a chance to mourn And I cry again In secret Alone

If you are like me, you are struggling with the realization that we are about to hit the one year mark since the pandemic changed our lives in dramatic and unexpected ways. When we first began quarantine, I, like so many others, set forth some new goals for myself. This anniversary seems like a good time to evaluate my progress on these goals. Learn French - I can count to ten and say "I don't speak French." I keep repeating the same "basics" lessons on Duolingo. CHECK. Finish the scrapbooks I intended to give my friends as Christmas gifts - I added stickers to each of them. Both friends have since had babies, meaning I have more material I need to add before I gift them. CHECK. Organize the house and improve storage - I donated our crib to my coworker so it is no longer taking up space in the attic. My husband chucked some broken furniture out the second-floor window. CHECK. Make progress on my reading list  - I finally returned the book my boss lent me a year