Back To Those Seeds...
I wanted to give my blog the simpler name "Wildflower Seeds," but it was already taken. Instead, it became "Packet of Wildflower Seeds;" the physical packet referenced in my title sits on a bulletin board in my house. Why would I keep a packet of seeds instead of planting them?
The following information isn't news to many of my friends and family members. For even more individuals, the revelation might not be surprising. I'm not sure how everyone else will react.
I suffer from anxiety. And depression. I always seem to mention anxiety first, if I even acknowledge the depression at all, because it feels more socially acceptable. Anxiety might be associated with a driven personality, while depression makes you unhinged. The truth is, I experience both, and they are both terrible at times.
I probably needed to seek help earlier, but I first tried counseling in college, where I could utilize the free resources the school offered. I didn't particularly connect with either of my first two counselors. The first recommended generic exercises that often had little relevance to my own condition, and the second suggested I try things in direct conflict with my personality. When I returned for the third time, the only counselor available was a graduate student named Gretchen.
I don't know if the difference was Gretchen's individual personality or if she simply wasn't jaded like the others, but I felt like she really listened to me. She took into account my experiences and my personality as she devised exercises for me. I made pretty good progress while working with her. Thus, I was devastated at the end of the year when she had to leave school to do a rotation somewhere else.
As a parting gift, Gretchen gave me the packet of seeds. She told me she thought hard about what to offer me, and I believed her. She said that I had mentioned one time that my experiences made me a more empathetic person; even though it was painful, I could relate more to the struggles of other individuals, and I wanted to help them more as a result. In a way, something good came out of something bad. She said other good things could result, as well. The seeds mirrored this belief. Out of something dark (the ground, my depression), something beautiful could bloom (the flowers, my ability to relate to others). As I mentioned in my first post, Gretchen chose wildflowers because we didn't yet know what other good things I could create from my experiences.
I have been reluctant to share my anxiety and depression because I prefer to avoid judgment at all cost. At the same time, I appreciate when other individuals share their stories, and I believe society needs to fight the stigma and misinformation surrounding so many mental conditions. I'm not helping the cause if I try to stay hidden myself. Therefore, my first step is to share the truth. Perhaps in the future I will share more about what the actual experience has been like for me.
The following information isn't news to many of my friends and family members. For even more individuals, the revelation might not be surprising. I'm not sure how everyone else will react.
I suffer from anxiety. And depression. I always seem to mention anxiety first, if I even acknowledge the depression at all, because it feels more socially acceptable. Anxiety might be associated with a driven personality, while depression makes you unhinged. The truth is, I experience both, and they are both terrible at times.
I probably needed to seek help earlier, but I first tried counseling in college, where I could utilize the free resources the school offered. I didn't particularly connect with either of my first two counselors. The first recommended generic exercises that often had little relevance to my own condition, and the second suggested I try things in direct conflict with my personality. When I returned for the third time, the only counselor available was a graduate student named Gretchen.
I don't know if the difference was Gretchen's individual personality or if she simply wasn't jaded like the others, but I felt like she really listened to me. She took into account my experiences and my personality as she devised exercises for me. I made pretty good progress while working with her. Thus, I was devastated at the end of the year when she had to leave school to do a rotation somewhere else.
As a parting gift, Gretchen gave me the packet of seeds. She told me she thought hard about what to offer me, and I believed her. She said that I had mentioned one time that my experiences made me a more empathetic person; even though it was painful, I could relate more to the struggles of other individuals, and I wanted to help them more as a result. In a way, something good came out of something bad. She said other good things could result, as well. The seeds mirrored this belief. Out of something dark (the ground, my depression), something beautiful could bloom (the flowers, my ability to relate to others). As I mentioned in my first post, Gretchen chose wildflowers because we didn't yet know what other good things I could create from my experiences.
I have been reluctant to share my anxiety and depression because I prefer to avoid judgment at all cost. At the same time, I appreciate when other individuals share their stories, and I believe society needs to fight the stigma and misinformation surrounding so many mental conditions. I'm not helping the cause if I try to stay hidden myself. Therefore, my first step is to share the truth. Perhaps in the future I will share more about what the actual experience has been like for me.
There is a tangible stigma to any mental health issue, which is why most of remain silent. However, such people can always find comfort added support from others who suffer from similar afflictions.
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