Graduation: Regrets and Revelations
In anticipation of upcoming graduations, I started writing a post about one aspect of my own college experience. I needed to take a break while writing it, and after some time had passed, I realized that my initial story came across poorly. I want these posts to be introspective, but I don't want them to be self-indulgent. I hope you might nod your head in understanding while reading them; I don't want you to roll your eyes. Thus, I deleted my first attempt and started over.
For those of you who do not know my academic history, here is the short version of the story: I went to optometry school after only three years of college. It was a relatively last-minute decision. Because of AP credits and summer classes, I still earned a degree, but I didn't participate in a graduation ceremony. I left optometry school during the first semester when I finally let myself admit that I wasn't interested in that career.
I missed out on some opportunities by not doing that fourth year in college. I didn't get to take some classes that interested me, such as wildlife management and plant physiology. I don't know if I could have been Tri-Beta president or if I could have gotten the departmental award at the end of the year.
I know those things aren't important in the long run, but it bothers me that I don't have the answers to the questions. In trying to explain why that is so, I have realized two things about myself: I have a hard time forgiving myself, and I am uncomfortable with uncertainty.
There are many things I wish someone could predict for me if I had chosen a different path in life: my grades, my accomplishments, my ability to complete professional school. I will never know what would have happened. I hate not knowing. As a further example, I am positive that I would never have wanted to be a doctor. Sometimes, though, I wish I could know if I would have succeeded in medical school. My husband likes to ask, "You would take on $200,000 in debt just to know if you could do it?" He is not wrong in pointing out the lunacy there.
Because I don't like unanswered questions, I have a hard time forgiving myself for missed opportunities to answer those questions. Again, they have no relevance to my current life, and they wouldn't have improved my situation at all. I need to get better about letting them go and focusing on the present. I might miss out on all the important things going on right now if I keep focusing on the past.
I guess my post was still pretty self-centered, though I hope in an honest way and not an attention-seeking way!
For those of you who do not know my academic history, here is the short version of the story: I went to optometry school after only three years of college. It was a relatively last-minute decision. Because of AP credits and summer classes, I still earned a degree, but I didn't participate in a graduation ceremony. I left optometry school during the first semester when I finally let myself admit that I wasn't interested in that career.
I missed out on some opportunities by not doing that fourth year in college. I didn't get to take some classes that interested me, such as wildlife management and plant physiology. I don't know if I could have been Tri-Beta president or if I could have gotten the departmental award at the end of the year.
I know those things aren't important in the long run, but it bothers me that I don't have the answers to the questions. In trying to explain why that is so, I have realized two things about myself: I have a hard time forgiving myself, and I am uncomfortable with uncertainty.
There are many things I wish someone could predict for me if I had chosen a different path in life: my grades, my accomplishments, my ability to complete professional school. I will never know what would have happened. I hate not knowing. As a further example, I am positive that I would never have wanted to be a doctor. Sometimes, though, I wish I could know if I would have succeeded in medical school. My husband likes to ask, "You would take on $200,000 in debt just to know if you could do it?" He is not wrong in pointing out the lunacy there.
Because I don't like unanswered questions, I have a hard time forgiving myself for missed opportunities to answer those questions. Again, they have no relevance to my current life, and they wouldn't have improved my situation at all. I need to get better about letting them go and focusing on the present. I might miss out on all the important things going on right now if I keep focusing on the past.
I guess my post was still pretty self-centered, though I hope in an honest way and not an attention-seeking way!
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