"Two-faced"
When looking for the poem in my previous post, I sifted through many other works written in high school. In some, the intention was very clear. In others, I had to consider the date and context to tease out the meaning. Such was the case for the following poem.
Before I share the work, I'd like to provide some background. I was fairly lucky when it came to my high school class. It wasn't the stereotypical situation in which popular girls picked on everyone else. Yes, there were "cool girls," and if you weren't friends with them, you wouldn't be invited to their parties. If you sat next to them in class, however, they were usually rather friendly. Also, to be fair, they weren't invited to the parties my friends threw, either. I'd say our class was made up more of "friend groups" than "cliques." There were some exceptions, but as a whole, everyone was pretty nice.
And yet, I was still bullied in high school. I'm sure this is no surprise to anyone familiar with teenage girls, but the bullying came from individuals within my own friend group. I honestly don't know what led the one girl to start tormenting me; one day she started saying terrible things about me and organizing events to which I was not invited. At the end of the year, she threw a party and invited the entire class...except for me.
Some "friends" followed suit and stopped inviting me to things. Luckily, not everyone paid attention. Thus it happened that I was invited to a sleepover the other girl also attended. I remember at one point she was picking on a different friend from our group who wasn't there that evening. I was sickened by her comments, so I left the basement to use the bathroom upstairs. The ventilation in the house meant that I could hear the conversation in the basement quite clearly. After I left the room, the girl started to talk about me instead. She said I was probably devastated that I wasn't invited to her party and that I needed to stop being a baby about it (I never mentioned it to anyone except my mom, so that wasn't true).
The rest of the party was difficult, at best, as I tried to pretend I was happy. I was - and still am - so grateful that my "true" friend had invited me in the first place, though. She didn't let high school drama or intimidation get in the way of making her own decisions. Similarly, an out-of-town friend found out about the ordeal and defended me on instant messenger (remember that?). I've lost touch with many companions from high school, but I still count those two girls among my best friends.
In hindsight, I realize that the girl was facing many issues of her own. I imagine that she lashed out as a way to project her pain somewhere else. That doesn't make her actions right, of course, but I was able to forgive her. I believe the following poem was written in the aftermath of the initial bullying incident. I tried to figure out why my friend had turned on me and if we could ever move past it. I wondered who was still a true friend and who would leave me. I tried to act like it didn't hurt, but the last few months of that school year were miserable. Thus, the "two-faced" label fits me just as well as it applies to the mercurial friends.
“Two-faced”
Before I share the work, I'd like to provide some background. I was fairly lucky when it came to my high school class. It wasn't the stereotypical situation in which popular girls picked on everyone else. Yes, there were "cool girls," and if you weren't friends with them, you wouldn't be invited to their parties. If you sat next to them in class, however, they were usually rather friendly. Also, to be fair, they weren't invited to the parties my friends threw, either. I'd say our class was made up more of "friend groups" than "cliques." There were some exceptions, but as a whole, everyone was pretty nice.
And yet, I was still bullied in high school. I'm sure this is no surprise to anyone familiar with teenage girls, but the bullying came from individuals within my own friend group. I honestly don't know what led the one girl to start tormenting me; one day she started saying terrible things about me and organizing events to which I was not invited. At the end of the year, she threw a party and invited the entire class...except for me.
Some "friends" followed suit and stopped inviting me to things. Luckily, not everyone paid attention. Thus it happened that I was invited to a sleepover the other girl also attended. I remember at one point she was picking on a different friend from our group who wasn't there that evening. I was sickened by her comments, so I left the basement to use the bathroom upstairs. The ventilation in the house meant that I could hear the conversation in the basement quite clearly. After I left the room, the girl started to talk about me instead. She said I was probably devastated that I wasn't invited to her party and that I needed to stop being a baby about it (I never mentioned it to anyone except my mom, so that wasn't true).
The rest of the party was difficult, at best, as I tried to pretend I was happy. I was - and still am - so grateful that my "true" friend had invited me in the first place, though. She didn't let high school drama or intimidation get in the way of making her own decisions. Similarly, an out-of-town friend found out about the ordeal and defended me on instant messenger (remember that?). I've lost touch with many companions from high school, but I still count those two girls among my best friends.
In hindsight, I realize that the girl was facing many issues of her own. I imagine that she lashed out as a way to project her pain somewhere else. That doesn't make her actions right, of course, but I was able to forgive her. I believe the following poem was written in the aftermath of the initial bullying incident. I tried to figure out why my friend had turned on me and if we could ever move past it. I wondered who was still a true friend and who would leave me. I tried to act like it didn't hurt, but the last few months of that school year were miserable. Thus, the "two-faced" label fits me just as well as it applies to the mercurial friends.
“Two-faced”
So many places out there that are so hostile…How much of me begs to be set free? I tricked myself into believing something else and now I breathe only painfully…I have to face the consequences I brought, and everyone knows I’m distraught, but how many of them really know how close I am to the bottom? I gave up trusting, and almost lost a best friend…While praying for new beginnings I almost faced the end…I don’t think I can take any more of what they’re shoving in my face…The only trouble is, I don’t know my true place…So I tried to stop feeling so that my head will stop reeling, but the fact of the matter is, I still care more than they’ll ever know…and they cause me all this pain, but how do you let that show? God, give me a path to take…before the last fragments of my heart finally break
I'm sorry that happened. Teenage girls can be very cruel for a lot of reasons. I should have told her to shut up.
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