When Actions Don't Match Words

Over and over again, we are told to ask for help when we need it. "Don't be a hero." "Don't try to do it all yourself." "Don't keep it all inside."

So I ask for help. I admit when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I seek out the advice of those I respect, who know more than I do and who have been there before.

Yet recently when I said I was going through a rough period and I asked people to contact me if it was okay to talk to them, only two individuals reached out to ask if I was alright.

It's not just emotional assistance. I've asked for help with work or family issues and gotten no response. Sometimes people tell me they will get back to me, and they never do. I may remind them, and they say they will have an answer the next day, but I never get an answer. Sometimes they don't even respond to my initial inquiry. I feel like my e-mails go straight to their trash folders.

In the end, I'm left dealing with the issue by myself, which may be stressful or difficult. Then, on top of that, I'm also trying to figure out why no one wanted to help me. Did I do something to upset the person? Do they not like me?

I remember one time my normal childcare providers were out of town at the same time. I asked if anyone could watch my son for two or three hours because my husband had a meeting he couldn't miss. No one responded and I ended up taking my son to work. Another time a friend asked if anyone could help watch her son and people were tripping over each other fighting for the chance to watch him. Maybe I have more associates with full-time jobs than this other individual has, or maybe there is some other explanation for the different experiences, but I was so dejected. What's wrong with me such that no one wants to help? What have I done to cause people to ignore me?

I have been dealing with this for a long time, but I was acutely aware of it this past year as I navigated my return to work. I am most distressed by my latest emotional plea for help, however. I think it was both fascinating and scary in light of the recent high-profile celebrity suicides. After those events, people created lots of posts about how we need to look out for each other. We need to check in with one another. We need to listen to and respect one another.

People said, "If you have a problem, please know that you can always come to me no matter what." I reached out, and I got no response.

It turns out I'm still not important enough.

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