Laws of Attraction
A few years ago, I accompanied my husband to a work function that was being given for a coworker who was moving back to France. I had never met this particular coworker, but the party meant free food and drinks, so I agreed to go. We didn't talk to the coworker until just before we left, and we didn't talk to him very long. In that short amount of time, I found the man unexpectedly charming. He winked when we said goodbye, and I was surprised when I blushed in response. In the car on the way home, I confessed to my husband that I found his coworker very attractive. He laughed and said, "I guess it's a good thing he's returning to France!"
Wait a minute, you may be thinking. You told your husband you found another man attractive? Yep. Well, what if the tables were turned? How would you feel if your husband said another woman was attractive?
That's a fair question. My husband has been taking some Master's classes. One time when he was at school he sent me a text message saying that he had just observed possibly the most attractive lady he's ever seen. "Cool," I replied. "If you see her again, try to take a picture surreptitiously so that I can see what she looks like, too."
See, my husband and I are pretty open with each other when we find other people attractive. We don't believe there is any point to pretending we suddenly became unable to notice people of the opposite sex once we got married. The key lies in how we handle it.
Respect is the most important factor. If we compared each other unfavorably to someone else, that would obviously be very destructive to our relationship. We never say "I wish you were more like..." We also acknowledge that attraction is multifaceted; it is more complex than physical beauty alone. I don't really have any celebrity crushes now, but I can think of many instances in my teenage years when I learned something negative about a famous person and he instantly became less appealing. When my husband saw that lady across the street, he noticed that she was very pretty, but he knew nothing else about her. He had no way to know what her sense of humor was like, what her interests were, and if she would otherwise be compatible with him.
Therein lies a secret to our relationship which I understand may be difficult for others. I know my husband may find other women pretty, but I am also completely confident that he finds me attractive, too. I know that my personality and unique gifts make him happy; sure, I drive him crazy sometimes, but overall he chose to be with me. I believe his is secure in my love for him, as well. I may have gotten butterflies when some French guy winked at me, but he knows that he will always be my true crush.
Wait a minute, you may be thinking. You told your husband you found another man attractive? Yep. Well, what if the tables were turned? How would you feel if your husband said another woman was attractive?
That's a fair question. My husband has been taking some Master's classes. One time when he was at school he sent me a text message saying that he had just observed possibly the most attractive lady he's ever seen. "Cool," I replied. "If you see her again, try to take a picture surreptitiously so that I can see what she looks like, too."
See, my husband and I are pretty open with each other when we find other people attractive. We don't believe there is any point to pretending we suddenly became unable to notice people of the opposite sex once we got married. The key lies in how we handle it.
Respect is the most important factor. If we compared each other unfavorably to someone else, that would obviously be very destructive to our relationship. We never say "I wish you were more like..." We also acknowledge that attraction is multifaceted; it is more complex than physical beauty alone. I don't really have any celebrity crushes now, but I can think of many instances in my teenage years when I learned something negative about a famous person and he instantly became less appealing. When my husband saw that lady across the street, he noticed that she was very pretty, but he knew nothing else about her. He had no way to know what her sense of humor was like, what her interests were, and if she would otherwise be compatible with him.
Therein lies a secret to our relationship which I understand may be difficult for others. I know my husband may find other women pretty, but I am also completely confident that he finds me attractive, too. I know that my personality and unique gifts make him happy; sure, I drive him crazy sometimes, but overall he chose to be with me. I believe his is secure in my love for him, as well. I may have gotten butterflies when some French guy winked at me, but he knows that he will always be my true crush.
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