Strengths and Weaknesses

My major project this summer was to clean out the attic. There were bins up there that had remained untouched since we moved into this house. I realized it was time to sort through them and let go of some things.

I had bins full of notes from high school, college, and even optometry school. When I first saved them, I thought, "I may need to look back on these some day!" This time, I told myself that if I needed a refresher on any of the information, I could look it up elsewhere.

I saved sentimental items, including notes and pictures from my friends. I also kept noticing awards that I had won in high school. Most of them were for science classes.

This led me to reflect on my decision to study science. My choice was, in no small part, due to those awards. You see, I don't know if science is what I am "best" at doing. I may be a better writer. I may be better at interpersonal relationships. I'm not entirely sure. But I do know my class had an abundance of talented writers. Other individuals were recognized for their leadership or service. I didn't shine in those arenas.

When it came to science, though, it seemed like I was the go-to girl. I was the only student to take both AP Biology and AP Chemistry (in addition to AP Calculus and two other science classes). Teachers sometimes asked me for help in explaining challenging concepts to my classmates. And then there were those awards. I won certificates for individual science classes. I was given recognition and a scholarship to a nearby university during my junior year. I was presented with an achievement award in science my senior year. It seemed like the universe was trying to tell me that science was my thing, the arena I should enter.

Maybe that wasn't the best way to evaluate potential careers and majors, but here I am. Now I find myself struggling with the same questions about teaching. 

Is teaching what I am "best" at doing? I don't know. Maybe I would have made a better counselor. Maybe I would have been a better occupational therapist. Maybe I would have been best at a career I haven't yet considered.

In evaluating my role, I also wonder if I am the best teacher for the students. Would they find the class more interesting if someone else were standing at the front of the room? Would they learn more and be more successful with someone else in my place? 

Students don't exactly give a lot of feedback, and teachers don't get certificates for their performance. Even the awards they do get do not necessarily validate their effectiveness in the classroom. (I have seen a teacher win an award when I knew very well that his students were not learning anything. He was nominated because he was "cool," not because he was adequately challenging his classes.) So where does that leave me? How can I let go of these insecurities and figure out how to utilize my true talents and passions? 

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