Packet of Wildflower Seeds

The following is a journal entry from my junior year English class: When people ask me what I want to do with my life, I usually have a response that seems certain, yet in actuality, I have no idea where I'm going. Sometimes I think that I know what career I want, but then I end up changing my mind. In the past six months I have changed my mind about these possibilities at least ten times. How am I supposed to know what I want to do when there are so many choices? First there is the desire for a creative field. I cannot imagine life confined to limitations. I often dream of becoming an interior decorator or a fashion designer because of the freedom of those areas. I actually draw some of my own fashions, but I do not have the artistic skill required for either of those careers. Then I move into considering jobs that involve writing. I love to write, even though I don't think I'm very good at it. Words give me a chance to express myself or to create a fictitious world...

I have only been rock climbing since January, but it is already my favorite fitness activity. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I don't see it as a fitness activity. Climbing is more like my happy place. I love the challenge of each new route I try. Since I'm still not very good and most gyms change their routes frequently, climbing will continue to be challenging for a very long time. It is almost impossible to be bored while climbing. Part of the reason you can't be bored is because you are very focused on solving the problem. Climbing provides mental as well as physical stimulation. That also means you aren't preoccupied thinking about how much you hate the activity and how you've only done two minutes, which clearly doesn't count as a workout. Those thoughts creep into my head every time I try running, for example. With climbing, I have to stop when I am physically exhausted, even though I usually have so much more I want to try. There ...

A few years ago, I accompanied my husband to a work function that was being given for a coworker who was moving back to France. I had never met this particular coworker, but the party meant free food and drinks, so I agreed to go. We didn't talk to the coworker until just before we left, and we didn't talk to him very long. In that short amount of time, I found the man unexpectedly charming. He winked when we said goodbye, and I was surprised when I blushed in response. In the car on the way home, I confessed to my husband that I found his coworker very attractive. He laughed and said, "I guess it's a good thing he's returning to France!" Wait a minute , you may be thinking. You told your husband you found another man attractive?  Yep. Well, what if the tables were turned? How would you feel if your husband said another woman was attractive? That's a fair question. My husband has been taking some Master's classes. One time when he was at school he ...

I don't want to. I don't want to be. I don't want to be a teacher anymore. I mean, I work really hard. I research current best practices and try to implement what science says works best. I try to make it fun as well as educational. I try to maintain high standards while supporting the students as they get there. Maybe some of them would miss me. A change in the middle of the year is never easy. But maybe they would get someone better. More successful at everything I try to do. And I wouldn't have to stress anymore. I wouldn't have to research, and plan, and grade. I wouldn't have to be so tired. I don't want to be. I don't want to be a mom anymore. Okay, okay. Obviously things would be more difficult. Who would get them to sports practice or the ninja gym? Without a second Girl Scout leader, the troop would have to disband. There would be a lot of therapy involved, but they probably need therapy thanks to me already anyway. No matter how muc...

As a teenager, a common theme was that many kids expressed a desire to "get out of town." Teaching high school now, it is a trend I see has continued. Honestly, you can't fault teenagers for wanting to leave their homes, explore new cities, and experience more independence. What does concern me is the number of adults who are negative about this city. The pessimism is so rampant, it's almost a part of the city's culture - a troubling notion. How will we get others to believe in us if we don't even believe in ourselves? I believe in the city. My family moved back to my hometown for several reasons. Perhaps the most obvious and maybe the most important one is the proximity to other family members. Someone will inevitably accuse me of being here solely for that reason, but the truth is, there are many things I love about this city. Despite the teenagers' assertions that there "is nothing to do around here," every weekend we are choosing betwee...

Recently my husband and I celebrated our ten year anniversary. When my husband mentioned it at work, his colleagues were surprised we have already been married that long. I guess that's what happens when you get married young (at least by today's standards)! Given that we've hit the ten-year mark, you might expect me to gush about my husband or reminisce about how wonderful the last decade has been with my best friend.  Don't get me wrong, my husband is my best friend, and he's an amazing person, but marriage is not always wonderful. It's hard work, and there are many moments I've wanted to walk away. Any of my friends who are close enough to share details about their relationships have indicated similar struggles; communication and respect can be difficult when you spend so much time with the same person. I once read a post by a friend that said something along the lines of "I need my husband, but he needs me, too." I know what she was ...

Sharing my experience with mental illness has been, at times, quite scary. Sometimes I'm afraid of losing friends. I think people don't want to hear negativity, or I worry that they don't understand and won't want me around. This is perhaps ironic because I work even harder to show my friends how much I care about them. I've also worried that being honest about my condition could somehow lead to losing my job even though I know I work very hard. In some cases, I may work harder to prove myself because I'm always worried I'm not good enough. In any case, my fears have led me to withhold some information or stories in an effort to avoid judgment. I think I'm ready to share one of my biggest stories, however - one that only a few people know. More than ten years ago, I was in a pretty bad place. I was lonely and anxious and felt like I didn't have anyone I could consistently reach out to. In the midst of this, someone did something that hurt me trem...